Even if...
Sometimes, a theme will emerge as I meet with clients. It’s kind of mysterious when it happens. It’s as though everyone I see over the course of a week or two has similar concerns. Sometimes it might be struggles with teenagers or caring for aging parents. Other times it might be some kind of loss or grief.
Last week, there was a clear theme. I heard it over and over again in the form of a question:
“WHAT IF?”
“What if our wedding gets cancelled?”
“What if my husband can’t be with me in the delivery room?”
“What if I lose my job?”
“What if I get sick?”
There are some therapy models which suggest that, in order to feel less anxious, we should name our “what-if” worst-case-scenarios, and then evaluate their “likelihood.” The idea behind this is simple – once we recognize that our “what if” scenarios are UNlikely, we will feel better!
I don’t think this strategy is particularly useful. Certainly not right now. Right now, in April of 2020, many of our “what if’s” are real possibilities. And that feels pretty scary.
Years ago, I discovered a much more effective antidote for the “what ifs.” It doesn’t involve a statistical analysis of probabilities. Instead, it involves an empowering thought process beginning with 2 simple words.
“EVEN IF…”
“Even if” reminds us that we can’t control everything, but we are always empowered to do SOME things.
“Even if” reminds us that, NO MATTER WHAT, we will always have SOME resources and SOME support.
In my therapy practice, I see clients who are deeply spiritual and clients who profess to have no faith at all. Either way, when clients are struggling with “what ifs”, I engage them in an activity where they envision their future self facing that “what if” worst-case-scenario. Next, they remind their future self that EVEN IF it happens, they will still have SOME resources surrounding them. And finally, they verbally list those resources. This strategy is often highly effective because clients are able to shift from a helpless positon to an empowered one.
When I meet with clients who are Christians, however, I’ve noticed something a little different. The “Even if” strategy seems to have a much more powerful effect on them. And I believe that’s because THEIR resource is the Almighty God.
In my mid-20’s, I participated in a Beth Moore bible study on the book of Esther. As you may remember, Esther was struggling with a really terrifying “what if.” She thought, “What if I go to the king, and I plead for my people, and I PERISH?”
Esther’s “what if” wasn’t just a possibility. It was a PROBABILITY. And she handled it by proclaiming that, EVEN IF disaster struck, God was good and He was in control.
At the very end of the study, Beth had a “fill in the blank” exercise for everyone. In the first blank, she had us write down our own “what if” worst-case-scenario.
As I mentioned, I was in my mid-20’s at the time, and I was wrestling with a scary “what if” that kept me up at night every time my husband travelled for work. I was TERRIFIED that he might be in a plane crash. I’m not sure how I developed the fear, but it haunted me. I tried to be logical by reminding myself that “traveling by plane is so much safer than traveling by car!” And yet, I wasn’t finding peace.
Beth’s fill in the blank exercise continued. After writing our worst case scenario in the first blank, she invited us to write “GOD” in big capital letters in the second blank.
Once I finished, I stared at what I had just written…
“EVEN IF Steve dies, then GOD.”
I didn’t like to read that sentence. In fact, I still don’t! But I’ll tell you this – for the first time – I felt peace as Beth slowly began to speak in her sweet southern accent, “Ladies – your God is SO good. And He loves you more than you can possibly imagine…so much that He gave His life for you.” Then she continued, “And EVEN IF what you wrote in that first blank comes to pass, you will be able to face it because God’s got you. God is in control. And God’s plans are always good.”
God’s got you. God is in control. And God’s plans are always good.
I remember listening to those words and nodding because I believed those words with my whole heart. And so I made a decision that day. I knew I wasn’t promised a pain free life. I knew some of my “what ifs” might come to pass. But I decided that whenever I felt attacked by “what if” thoughts, I would choose to shift my mindset.
“EVEN IF…then GOD.”
And, on this day in April 2020, that one sentence can still calm my fears more than any worldly logic.